Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Normally, I don't like to vent in this space, but today was a really bad day. The pain that's been bothering me on a tolerable level every day for six months now got more acute, and I continue to feel helpless to do anything but suffer through it. Neither my doctors nor I have found anything that consistently suppresses it. I alternate at such moments between extreme worst-case scenarios and the fear that I'm doing some thing to cause the pain. On top of this, my new contact lens prescription is giving me grief: My vision somehow appears to fall in the middle of two strengths, and I feel totally comfortable wearing neither. I keep calling my latest eye doctor back to switch my order, and feel stupid about the situation. Do I need to change my order a third time? On top of this, I've been off-kilter ever since getting back to the city. Like I was away too long, and can't catch up with things again. Adding to this feeling is the fear that I'm being ignored, and I'm somehow a failure at maintaining good friendships. Throw in that looming tax deadline and the absense of a vital tax form, and you've got quite a stew of worry. I know, I know: Things could be worse; I could be jobless, homeless, family-less. I could be diagnosed for sure with a life-threatening disease.

Good things about today: It was sunny and spring-like outside, and I got to enjoy it for a few minutes before noon, after noon, and before sunset. Plus the Times had a special Museums section that got me excited about some new exhibits that are planned. I'm saving money by not going out tonight. I've got a ticket to The Threepenny Opera tomorrow.

No comments: